“Don’t dream it; Be it.”~Dr. Frank-N-Furter, A Scientist
Thank you for being a horrible boss.
Thank you for driving me so crazed that I quit. Without my day choked by you, I explored different avenues and experiences. I had fun doing what I wanted to do. Without you, I would still be stuck in your darkness. I take advantage of my new-found time to write. And publish. And write even more. You freed me to chase my dreams.
Thank you for micromanaging me. I know what not to do with my family and friends. I support them even when I think I know a quicker, better path. Maybe they get there, maybe they don’t, but it’s their journey at their own pace. So what if the sheets aren’t folded the way I want. So what if my friend hangs up the telephone without long, gushy goodbyes. So what if the dishes aren’t loaded the way I would load them to maximize space. So what if my friends don’t drive down the same street that I would? We get there anyway.
Thank you for belittling me. Did you know I kept a “Kudos Me” file? I performed my tasks well despite what you said, and other people appreciated me. I saved every thank you email and notecard I received in my Kudos Me binder. Someone else valued me, and you taught me to value myself even more. I don’t need your approval to know I did a good job.
Thank you for ordering me around. Oh, the silly things you made me do. My favorite story is that you wanted me to use a particular calculator because “that one adds better.” Your quirks and eccentricities are the fodder for my jokes.
Thank you for being in your office all the time. Because of you, I spent my entire 60-minute lunch hour away from my desk. I walked. I ate outside. I people-watched. I grabbed a coffee on my way back, a treat. My back was warmed by the sun. I sat in grass, and didn’t care if my pants tracked dirt back onto my desk chair. I enjoyed the beauty of crunchy snow as I trudged away from you. I enjoyed Life every minute of that hour.
I wish you would have fired me so I could have collected unemployment. You denied me that reward. That’s why you’re my evil ex-boss, and I don’t miss you one minute of my days.